My Best Friend Wants Me to Be the Mother of His Kid, but My Husband Is Furious

Many people believe friends are like the family we choose. Sometimes, they feel even closer than our relatives. Today’s story is intriguing: what happens when a best friend asks the other to be their child’s mother? Some might assume best friends often become partners, but here’s a twist—the woman is married, and her husband disagrees with the idea.

“I (26, F) have a best friend (M,26). He’s gay and married to his partner. I have a husband. We chose to not have kids.

My friend and his partner decided to have a baby. My best friend is going to be the donor. He and his partner asked me if I’d be their egg donor as they want the baby’s ’mom’ involved in the baby’s life. I was on board.”

“However, when I mentioned this to my husband he was furious. He said he didn’t like the idea of his wife having a baby with another man. I told him we would basically be the baby’s aunt and uncle.

He was not okay, and now he isn’t talking to me. I’m not going to be pregnant. I’m only donating my eggs. They’re going to get a surrogate to carry.”

People decided to share their opinions about this situation

• “You and your husband chose not to have kids, and now you’re going to have a baby with someone else? Sure, your best friend and his husband will be the ’parents’ but that will still be your kid, and you plan on being involved in the child’s life. So it’s not exactly hard to understand why your husband is upset with this.” fenryonze / Reddit
• “If my wife signed up for that without telling me, I’d be upset, too. That sort of decision has medical, financial, and legal ramifications that need to be figured out before agreeing.
  Further, you and your husband decided to not have kids. Now you’ll effectively have a kid. And that’s a decision that affects your husband. And you made that decision without talking to him about it.” JaecynNix / Reddit
• “Why do you want to be involved in the baby’s life, but you have also decided not to have any of your own? From afar, it does appear that your husband doesn’t want children, but you do and this is your way around that. Be honest with yourself and him about your real feelings and intentions here.” chuckinhoutex / Reddit
• “You can be the mom or the aunt, not both. And why would you make this decision by yourself? If you want to make unilateral choices, you should have started by not getting married.” Connect_Guide_7546 / Reddit

• “He’s your husband. It’s kind of concerning that you didn’t think enough of him or your relationship to discuss this with him first. Ultimately, yes it’s your choice but the fact that having a baby for your gay friends is more important than staying married is pretty sad. And how is it OK for you to be involved in this baby’s life when you don’t want children of your own?” FAFO-13 / Reddit
• “It’s nice of you for wanting to help a friend, but your husband has a valid reason to be upset about this. You didn’t talk to him at all before agreeing to help your friend. You need to ask yourself if you care about your friend more than your husband because your actions definitely say you do. If you feel adamant about going through with helping them, know your husband’s objection he has every right to leave the ’partnership’ you two have created.” TheDrizzle7721 / Reddit
• “You really should have discussed this in detail with your husband before simply declaring that it was going to happen. Deciding to get pregnant is not something you should do on a whim without involving your partner first.” BeardManMichael / Reddit
• “The gay friends should have asked BOTH of them when they proposed the whole idea. Just asking her was disrespectful of them towards the husband too.” mamainks / Reddit

• “I am gay. I have been married for ten years. This story is weird. It all feels weird. Regardless of the specifics of how this baby would enter the world, you are committing to a lifelong bond with this couple and their kid.
  That’s a huge deal and a wild thing to just ‘mention’ to your husband. Your decision to permanently connect your life to this couple also means permanently connecting your husband’s life to this couple. You can’t make a decision like that solo and also have a healthy marriage.” Togaz / Reddit
• “The baby is sharing your genes and another man’s. Why in the world would he be ok with it?” Slight-Fun7518 / Reddit
• “So would you be the baby’s ’mom’ or just the close aunt? No matter which it is, why would you consider having a child with another man (other men) and helping to raise it and not your husband? If you want to have fun with a baby and then send it home, babysit for them.
  Unless your husband has had a vasectomy, he may not be fully committed to never having a child. You and he have the potential for almost 20 more years to decide whether or not to have a child. If he sees your marriage as a child-free one, he may resent the idea of you having a child with someone else.
  You need to decide if giving your friends a baby is worth losing your marriage with your husband. Which would you regret more, not having a baby with them, or not being married anymore? If you want the baby, you may have to find a new husband who’s on board with that setup.” Lady_Salamander / Reddit
• “It sounds like you didn’t involve your husband at all in any kind of decision-making process or leave room for him to have an opinion, which is your body, your choice, but also, marriage is a partnership.” Decent-Dot6753 / Reddit

Deciding about having a family can be hard, especially when both partners don’t agree. Recently, a woman told Bright Side about her problem: her husband changed his mind about not having children after something happened and tried to get her pregnant without telling her. Check for more here.

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